(WARNING: Long post. Sorry! Worth your while though if you are a wannabe like me!)
Well, sshhezzz...I guess I got a little (inspiration...that is) tonight! Showing up just a smidge late, I descended into the basement of the independent, feminist Amazon Bookstore on Chicago in Minneapolis for the memoir workshop that I mentioned in an earlier post. As I made my way down the stairs, I wasn't sure what to expect. But, a feeling of comfort and community swarmed over me as I silently mouthed "hello" and weaved my way into the circle of (mostly) older women sitting in cozy lounge chairs and couches and sat next to the second youngest female in the group. (I was the youngest!)
Judith Strasser, author of Black Eye, Escaping a Marriage: Writing a Life, was sitting directly across from me in the circle. She did not miss a beat while I got quickly settled in and pulled out my journal and my trusty bic. Immediately she launched us into a five minute free-write that we would use to introduce ourselves. She instructed as to finish this sentence "I am from..." in creative prose, without, of course, naming the geography. Once we wrote for five, she asked the woman to her immediate left to start. Each of us took turns introducing ourselves, reading our paragraphs and asking one question as to why we came to the workshop tonight. The women ahead of me wrote in a variety of styles and most wrote exceptionally well. It was a little intimidating! But, nonetheless, when it was my debut, I introduced myself, read my two paragraphs and posed my question...how do you get unstuck once you find yourself in an excuse-ridden writer's slump?
We proceeded with introductions around the rest of the circle and then she introduced herself. She started by reading the first page of her book. (I will provide an excerpt here for you, but please be sure to check it out yourself).
"My husband punched me in the eye.
What is wrong with that statement? It follows all the rules. Subject, verb, direct object. A simple sentence. I could go to the board, and chalk dust flying, diagram it just as Miss Montgomery taught me in seventh grade.
The sentence is true. My husband is no longer a husband, much less mine, but he did punch me--and it was in the eye, the right eye because he's a lefty-- in December 1986.
Why, then, does this sound better: He gave me a black eye?
I have been mulling this question over. My poet's ear perfers "he" to the more awkward "my husband." My aggrieved soul wants to keep "him" at bay. But this does not have nothing to do with me alone, or even with me and him. That form--X gave Y a black eye-- is the one we more often hear.
I am at a writing colony for three weeks. I have nothing to do; I intend to figure this out. I look up synonyms in the thesaurus I find in my writing shed. Hit, strike, smite; poke, jab, smack; and then the "nonformals": belt, bash, paste, bonk, slug. They all work pretty well in the simple subject-predicate form. He hit her in the eye, struck her, smote her, poked, jabbed, and smaked her, slugged her, pasted one on the kisser. But he didn't punch me in the mouth. He gave me a black eye. I suspect that we pull our punches, when it comes to blackened eyes.
It is mid-October 1996, not quite ten years since he punched me, and I am at Norcroft, a writing retreat on the North Shore of Lake Superior. I have come to find the story; to shape the narrative; to write, if I can, about the last year of my marriage, the year of the black eye."
Now you think that is powerful? Well, you should have been there tonight, staring at her with her shaved head (oh, if you did not click through my links to read her bio, she is a cancer survived too), her reading glasses slightly resting half way down her nose and watching her read from her own book. The words flowed from her mouth and her eye contact with those of us in the circle was almost constant...she had the first page memorized. Without even further explanation, simply from the first page, she introduced herself to me. It was powerful--sad and inspiring all at the same time.
She proceeded to explain about how she found herself writing her memoir. How she had recorded the incidents of her abusive marriage into a voice recorder and then obsessively transcribed the conversations, the fights, the events and her feelings of her time with "him." She then brought it around to the heart of the workshop.
She touched on three main points that I will share with you here.
First, she differentiated between an autobiography and a memior, in the context of the larger discussion--what do you put in a memoir and what do you leave out? She referenced Judith Barrington from Writing the Memoir. Barrington quoted Gore Vidal, Palimpest, "A memoir is how one remember's one's own life, while an autobiography is history, requiring research, dates, facts double-checked." Strasser paraphrased and stated, "An autobiography is about a life, and a memoir is from a life, with themes that pull a story together."
Second, she touched on the reasons why it is difficult to write a memoir and offered a few tips as to how to overcome the difficulties. She talked about what all of us sitting there already new. It is difficult to write memoir because it is hard to tell the truth. (She gave us a handout that quotes Barrington from Writing a Memoir on this point. I will republish here for you to better make her second point). "The truth, however we define it, is often hard to tell. It can be hard to tell the facts of the story, and it can be hard to tell its emotional truth, too. First there's the pain we can cause ourselves in private through the very act of getting close enough to the truth to write it down. Then there are all the fears that go with publication: self-revelation, physical or emotional retaliation, loss of a job, loss of privacy, causing embarrassment, causing distress, social ostracism, and losing friends or family, are just some of the consequences we face...when we consider speaking out about something we suspect people want us to keep quiet about."
Strasser offered up this exercise to help get over the fears of publication. On the left side of a sheet of paper, write down all the horrible things that would happen if you wrote that certain something that has been kept you tied up with fear. On the right side of that same sheet, write down all the things that would have to happen for those horrible things to come true. This exercise is meant to free you of those fears, put things into perspective and show you that writing them is simply more important than not writing them. After she gave us that tip, she had us write down “It would be much too dangerous to write about…,” and then fill in that sentence to make us write about the things that we think that we cannot possibly write about. This one we did not have to read out loud.
Her handout also had another quote from Barrington that reiterates the point that writing the difficult things are better than not writing them. “So why…risk the unpleasantness? You probably know the answer already if you are seriously engaging in memoir. For some reason particular to you and your life, you need to tell the truth. However, even if you own need is the driving force, it may be helpful, when you hit a rough spot, to remember that other people, too, need you to tell the truth.”
Her last point was more to my question of how to get started or how to stay writing. She offered a tip that she had heard from a writer friend long ago. Her friend, who was writing a novel years before Strasser began hers, said that she wrote 1000 words a day to stay on track with finishing her novel. Strasser made the comment to her friend that she never thought she could EVER write a novel and therefore thought it was silly to set such an artificial way to write. However, once she found herself on the journey of writing a novel, 1000 words a day was how she crossed the finish line. Her larger point with this being that writers should establish a way to make a routine to write. Whether that be 1000 words a day, an hour a day, two hours every other day, etc. She also mentioned that a great way to remain writing is to hold yourself accountable by joining a writer’s group or partnership in which others will ultimately hold you accountable to get your writing done. (Hhhmmm, sound familiar…I have been looking for a writers group in my area for some time now).
Strasser wrapped up the workshop with Q&A, and some of the women offered comments to others about their workshop writing or offered others tips on some of the challenges they are facing. Then, the last woman to chime in mentioned that she loved the workshop and that these free workshops offer a great way to meet others to start a writers group and/or to learn about others’ writers groups. (Gee, I was thinking the same thing at that time). So, I chimed in and mentioned that I would be interested in getting together for a group, if the others were. And by golly gee, I got me a writers group. Five of us talked, exchanged contact information and planned a time to meet for the first time. We will be meeting on Sunday, July 24th at noon at Turtle Bread Company on 47th and Chicago.
So, overall a very good, motivating and inspiring workshop. It was wonderful to surround myself with other creatives that are interested in my specific genre. I am excited to continue trudging forward with my writing and definitely look forward to my new group.
P.S. I bought Strasser's book after the workshop. She signed it. I opened it to read what she wrote after I returned home. She said..."To Kimberly, who has her own story to tell and a new writers group to encourage her." Aaaaaaahhhhh! I love connecting with people and feeling like a writer.